Importance Of Family Rules In Developing Child Self Esteem

As a mom, we have two very important objectives to achieve with our children. One objective would be to provide a loving and peaceful family environment. Another would be to raise our children to be happy and productive adults. If you think about it, most moms would agree they want these things for their children.

When you think of all the factors that can prevent us from achieving these two objectives, it can seem quite overwhelming. We live in a fast paced world and finding time for everything can be a challenge. The more family members we have, the more complicated family dynamics become. And I think the most difficult factor we face is the external pressures and the outside influences of the world. It is not easy raising children in this day and age.

The good news is you can raise great kids if you are equipped with the right tools and information. The root focus of raising happy and responsible children is developing their self esteem. And to develop their self esteem, children need three things: attention, autonomy, and limits. Children need to know they are worthy of love and they need to be taken care of. They need to gradually develop so they function independently from their parents. And children need boundaries so they learn proper behavior and develop healthy self esteem.

To give children attention, you play with them on a regular basis, give them lots of hugs and kisses, and take care of their most basic needs. Children gain autonomy and limits by having structure in their lives. One very important part of your child’s structure is the family rules. The family rules teach your children proper behavior, as well as the necessary skills and character traits they need to develop healthy self esteem and independence. Not only do rules give your children a sense of security, but they also provide order and peace for your family.

Kenneth Kaye, Ph.D., in his book Family Rules, provides a six step process for setting family rules:

1.Make a list of behavior problems or important concerns you are dealing with in your family.
2.For these problems or concerns, together as parents, create and write down the rules that will enforce the behavior that you want to see. Start with just a few rules in the beginning.
3.For each rule, think of and write down a logical or natural consequence for breaking the rule.
4.Formally present the rules to your children.
5.Follow through with consequences if they test the rules.
6.Amend the rules as necessary and amend or escalate the consequences as necessary.

One of the most interesting discoveries I made in Dr. Kaye’s book was the difference between rules and preferences. Let me give you a few examples of each and then I will explain the difference. Examples of rules may be “You may not hit, kick or call your sibling names” or “You must be home at the time we set for you”. Examples of preferences are “We prefer you use your manners” and “We prefer you spend your money wisely”.

Here are the major differences between rules and preferences. Mom and Dad have to agree on the rules, but they do not have to agree on preferences. Mom may allow only one friend over at a time, but Dad may enjoy a house full of children. However, when it comes to borrowing a sibling’s belongings, if the child is required to ask first, then Mom and Dad must be prepared to enforce this rule.

Rules require consistency and must be clear and specific. Preferences can be vague and do not require consistency. If a rule is broken, a consequence is issued every time. With preferences, you prefer your child do something a certain way, but it’s left up to your child’s discretion. There is no consequence if your child does not do things the way you would prefer. When my four year old has a playmate over, I prefer he says hello and goodbye to them. I encourage him to use his manners and I explain why I think it’s important, but there is no consequence if he doesn’t. On the other hand, if he hits or pushes his playmate, there would be an automatic time out. Generally speaking, rules provide structure, peace, safety and convenience, whereas, preferences teach children moral education, social skills and positive feelings about themselves and others.

Now that you understand how best to set family rules, I would suggest you post your family rules so everyone can see them. Remember, enforcing the rules requires issuing a consequence every time the rule is broken. The best consequences are ones that restrict privileges. The more natural and logical the consequence, the better it is. If a child behaves responsibly, he is rewarded with privileges, and he loses his privileges if he breaks the rules. One thing I have found that helps take the emotion out of issuing consequences is the Better Behavior Wheel. This is a great tool for teaching kids about the consequences for their actions.

Think about your children as they set off on their own. What kind of adults do you want them to be? How are you, as a parent, going to instill the healthy self esteem that’s needed for them to be successful at life? By utilizing the principles you’ve learned in this article, you’ve got a good jump start. Give your children everything you want them to be. Teach them by example and with family rules that will reinforce lifelong character traits, healthy boundaries, and the life skills needed to thrive in this world.

Keeping The House Rules When Adult Children Return To The Blended Family

Even adult children returning home to a blended family benefit from some rules and boundaries. Adult stepchildren graduating from college today face a tough job market in which to succeed. College kids are returning home, for a place to stay until they can launch their careers. Even tougher, are the kids who return to a blended family, one with a new step parent and step siblings.

Boundaries and rules established and agreed upon, before adult stepchildren return to the nest, are essential for the successful blended family. Adult stepchildren can function well living at home with stepparents when presented with clear expectations.

Focus on the positive in your blended family
Focus on the positive when adult children ask to return home. Adult children, in most cases, don’t want to ask biological parents if they can move in with a stepfamily, and you might consider it a compliment to your successful remarriage when they do. Clearly, your adult child feels comfortable living with the stepparent, and that is flattering. Stepmom or stepdad needs to acknowledge the compliment, and make sure to let the adult stepchild know you are eager to spend more time with him.

As well, after the biological parent and stepparent agree upon a set of rules and boundaries, biological parents should lead a discussion about them with the adult stepchild in advance of the move-in date. Adult stepchildren are often willing to comply with rules when they know biological parents and stepparents are happy to have them around.

Rules and boundaries should be reasonable and consistent
Adult stepchildren are, technically, adults, and should be treated as such. However, the adult stepchild who has returned home and is dependent upon the biological parent and stepmom or stepdad, should obey and respect parental authority. Rules and boundaries agreed upon in advance could include guidelines for
o dining and laundry
o a discussion of career plans
o an agreement to actively search and find a job by within a set period
o housekeeping chores
o an agreement to pay rent after six months
o an agreement to a raise in rent after 12 months
o guidelines for guests
o an expectation of quiet after a designated time or else a curfew will be established
o and an expectation that adults will be treated with respect.

Other discussion topics could include the use of an auto as well as guidelines for gas, insurance, and upkeep; smoking, drinking and girlfriend or boyfriend visits; as well as private time for parent and stepparent. Adult stepchildren who bend or even break established rules should be held accountable with another scheduled family meeting.

Road to independence should be paved with love and encouragement for your adult child
Adult stepchildren moving home is not unusual in light of the job market, and he or she should not be made to feel as if they have failed at adulthood. This won’t help a stepchild and it certainly won’t bode well for the blended family. Once rules and boundaries have been agreed upon in a stepfamily, welcome and encourage your adult stepchild into the remarriage. Make sure he spends individual time with his biological parent and offer positive support in his job search.

Stepchildren, especially adult stepchildren, need their own space, and should be afforded privacy and respect of their belongings by other stepkids. Adult stepchildren who return to the home may need extra help on the road to independence; stepmoms and stepdads who are part of that journey pave the way to a smooth stepfamily existence.

Adult stepchildren who return home are an unfortunate result of the economic downturn, but it doesn’t have to be a miserable experience. Biological and stepparents have to discuss and agree upon rules, before the adult stepchild moves in. An adult stepchild is usually amenable to parental guidelines when the discussion is led by the biological parent and assisted by the stepparent.

Adult children who return home to a blended family can find success and independence within a remarriage when expectations are clear and rules are well planned.

Happy Family Quotes

Being able to maintain a positive outlook on life despite all the obstacles and troubles we encounter all throughout our lives can be very difficult when there seems to be no end to what we can suffer and endure. Yet we must thrive, we must go on because that is what people do, that is what defines our species. We can always find solutions to our problems, no matter how difficult or complicated they are, and we can always find things that help us more forward and give us strength. One way to motivate ourselves would be to read happy family quotes, especially if our problems stem from this area of our lives.

Happy family quotes can help put our troubles into perspective, and remind us that every family has its problems, but that what really matters is that family members, relatives, work together to solve those problems, they support each other unconditionally no matter the situation. It doesnt matter whether the happy family quotes that you find were uttered by famous personalities or by anonymous people, individuals like you; only the message is important, and the way that it manages to help you overcome any issues.

Living within a family can be both rewarding and exhausting, because there are numerous advantages you get, but there are also sacrifices. Yet if were to look at happy family quotes, we might get a different view of how things really are. For example, the following quote by John Bowring says that A happy family is but an earlier heaven. It is a romanticized way of looking at things, but sometimes this is exactly what we need, especially when were down and out of luck. Besides, looking at harsh, cold truths isnt always helpful if we want to make positive changes in our lives.

Perhaps more skeptical people will say that the way you think cant have such a big influence on your life, but they couldnt be more wrong. We need to maintain a positive attitude, because it will bring forth positive effects on our lives. This is another reason why happy family quotes can be helpful; you dont even need to be stressed by a family issue in order to find pleasure and comfort in them. Use them to remind you that no matter what happens, you have your family by your side, and they will help you get through every rough patch.

How Attitudes To Family, Marriage And Divorce Have Changed

Attitudes to family, marriage and divorce have changed over the last century. Here we look at how different aspects of family life are seen compared to the past.

Marriage

In the past people married at a much younger age on average than they do today. Marrying in your late teens or early twenties was the norm. Most people got married as this is what was expected of you, and people rarely considered not doing so.

Many fewer decide to marry these days. Many make the conscious decisions not to as they prefer to remain more independent. This can be the case for both genders. Some would argue that people wait to meet the right person now, whereas before they would marry the first person who came along.

Living Together while not Married

In the past it was not socially acceptable for unmarried couples to live together. It was seen as wrong and was therefore extremely rare. It is possible that this contributed to early marriage.

Unmarried couples living together has almost become the norm now. Many decide to see how they get along living together before they decide to marry. It is also common for couples to live together, and possibly have children, without ever getting married. They live the same way as a married couple without ever making it official.

Children

It used to be rare for people not to have children. Most people would conform to a very specific lifestyle, marrying young and having children soon after. Hardly anyone had children before marriage, and it was even rarer for people to do this by choice.

Nowadays it is not uncommon at all for people to have children without being married and this is not seen as a big issue by most. Sometimes parents live together as a family with their children without being married, while others are single parents. Not everyone decides to have children either. It is no longer seen as something you must do so it has become more of a choice.

The Role of Women

A hundred years ago, the role of women was very specific. They were expected to marry, have children, and not work. Their role was to look after the home and their children while men went out to work.

Womens role in family life, and life in general, now depends on the individual person and her circumstances. Many still crave the traditional lifestyle of marriage and children, but many make other choices. There are many more career women; some are working parents while others dont have children at all. The role of men is also less rigid, and it is much more common than it used to be for Mothers to go to work while Fathers stay at home.

Divorce

Divorce was once illegal so wasnt an option at all. Even once it did become legal it was rarely considered and was deemed a sin by many.

Now it is much more common for a variety of reasons. Attitudes have completely changed and divorce is seen as perfectly acceptable for those in an unhappy marriage and there is no longer the same stigma attached to it. Although some think of the increase in divorce as a negative, it could be argued that it is better than remaining unhappy. It is also practically easier with family law having changed to make it easier for those seeking a divorce.

Andrew Marshall (c)

A Better Way to Host Summer Family Reunion – Enjoy Genealogy Slideshow

Summer vacation is the perfect time of one year for people to hold their annual family reunion. Therefore, summer family reunion is very popular.

Each year, we have experienced our reunion with all kinds of activities such as planting a tree, organizing a family softball /volleyball game, enjoying the sunshine at a beach and so on. Would you want to spend this family reunion in a meaningful and economical way during such recession time? Here below is a one-day gathering timeline and activity outline.

Activity outline of this summer vacation
1.Morning~noon: Drive to get together around noon
2.Afternoon: Have a simple lunch and then enjoy genealogy slideshow made with memorable pictures, from the new babies to the proud grandparents
3.Night: Hold a Night BBQ along with talent show to bring your own karaoke music
You do not need to go out farther and do not need to pay for the recreation ground to save your budget. Certainly, you can incorporate some other activities to plan a two-day reunion.

Create a genealogy slideshow

1>Things to be prepared

1.A computer with PowerPoint installed, or some other photo slideshow software
2.Pictures of family members
If you have a computer with Microsoft PowerPoint installed, you can make a family album to remember and cherish the special moments of each member in your family history. And you do not need to buy and learn to use other photo slideshow software.

2>Steps to create a genealogy slideshow

Step 1: Collect pictures
You should ask other family members to provide pictures.
Pictures on special events or funny pictures about your family members would be OK. Pictures and video clips of both new babies and grandparents are required.

Step 2: Save all the digital pictures and the scanned ones in a new document with a name of family album

Step 3: Create a family reunion slideshow with PowerPoint and you can start the album with the pictures of your forefathers, and then the younger ones, at last the kids.

Step 4: Add a number of vivid caption bubbles to describe the pictures and bring more life to this slideshow.

Step 5: Add video clips to your slideshow
You can add some family video clips that you have collected from the family member to spice up your slideshow. Click here to know how to add videos to PowerPoint presentation.

Step 6: Add music to your slideshow
Click the article How to Add Music Song to PowerPoint Presentation to know the details.
Recommended sweet songs
Here is a list of songs that really show an appreciation and love between or for family members, you can choose one of them to add to your slideshow.
“Butterfly Kisses” by Bob Carlisle
“Then They Do” by Trace Adkins
“Find Your Wings” by Mark Harris
“My Front Porch Looking In” by Lonestar
“I Will Be Here” by Steven Curtis Chapman

Well done! A meaningful genealogy slideshow is completed ahead of your family reunion.

Enjoy the genealogy slideshow
Family members can enjoy the genealogy slideshow that you created after lunch. You can view it on computer with your family together. I also want to suggest you view PowerPoint slideshow on wide screen TV or plasma if you have a big family.
To view PowerPoint slideshow on TV, you need to save your PowerPoint to DVD. There are many ways to burn PowerPoint to DVD. An all-on-one PowerPoint to DVD burner named PPT2DVD is recommended. With the built-in burner of this PowerPoint to DVD converter, you can make duplicated copies by burning the output DVD folder or image (iso) file to blank DVDs without converting it again. Then you can disperse it to your relatives for long preserve and memory.

During the Night BBQ and talent show, you may also take vast amount of pictures. In the same way, you can create and distribute the slideshow to other members. You can also make karaoke music DVD with this method.

Enjoy it and have a nice summer family reunion.